7 years ago today, my dad passed away. and 7 years later, i can finally say im standing on my own ground. took me a few years of being completely lost and and reckless to find myself again, but i did it. part of the reason that song lyric is the headline is because its one of my dad’s favorite songs. its always been a reminder to live your life the way you want to. not for anyone else, or to prove anything to anyone, but because its what you want. no matter what anyone tells you about life, you have to figure things out for yourself and find your own way.

after reading the note my sister wrote, it really made me look back at all my family and i have gone through and where we are now. because of how strong my mom and sister are, we made it through a lot of hardships and long time of struggling. because of the amazing support we have from all the people we consider family (blood related or not), we have  been able to, and will, get through anything.

now that i’m away from home, and have been for a year, i appreciate every person who’s been there and is still there for me now. i appreciate all the hardships my family and i have been through because its only made us stronger. i’m thankful for my family and for their continued love and support while i’m away from home. my life has never been easy, and i wouldn’t have it any other way.

dad – i know you’re watching over us. and i’m sure you know how much we miss and love you. not a day goes by that we don’t think about you. and as reg said, “[we] are holding it down. we’re gangster.”

reg, ma, and javs – i cant say this enough…THANK YOU for everything. love you guys!!!

to everyone tagged in this note – THANK YOU for being a part of my life, and thank you for the continued support. let’s hope i can come back home sooner than later! i miss you guys!

lemme start with y i chose this song – kinda obvious i guess, but definitely gettin home sick again. dont worry, im not all emo like i was last time i got home sick. this time i at least kno n understand y i cant go home this summer. damn u work! i’ll get into that later. but as much as i wanna go home to hang with the bff n catch up with everyone, i cant. i miss summer @ the beach, bonfires, bbqs, random drunk nights n late nite food runs n i miss my family n friends. the first time i heard this song i felt so at home! n so – thats y its my post headline anyway…lets get on with this thing!

school – finished out the semester with a c n a d. def not happy with it since i was only part time. but – when ur out here all by urself n u’ve gotta do as much as u can to support urself, work was more to me than school was n that really took a toll on my grades. mostly because 1) i had to pick up shifts during class time 2) i was exhausted from closing @ bjs the nite b4 n didnt wake up for class on time. but @ least now i’m a junior (units wise) n i decided im gonna do concurrent enrollment @ unlv n @ csn. gotta re-take hmd 101 (i hate 100 level classes that rely on in class participation!!! i aced everything else, papers n midterm n final n yet  still not enuff to get a c!) n take a few other classes. grads lookin like another 3 yrs or so. hopefully i can find a full time gig to fix my residency!!!

work – the good thing is im no longer workin 3 jobs. im still workin @ bjs n about to start this amazing opportunity at encore. im sure u’ve all seen the ads on facebook n twitter, but if u havent, checkout www.encorebeachclub.com.  thats wut i’ll be doin this summer – workin @ the encore beach club grill. should definitely be an experience! my 3rd location opening (1st @ lazy dog cafe n 2nd @ the counter). openings r suuuuch a learning experience! crazy hectic training schedule, “play days” n then opening comes waaaay sooner than u thought it would. ur gonna mess up, things wont happen in a timely manner, but u learn from it n finally get things right at some point. its a steady extra position, but i should be gettin near 40 hrs. after the probationary employment period, i’m able to find something more permanent n hopefully full time. i was actually torn between workin @ the venetian as a resort services agent (aka resort sales) which was a full time gig, but i HATE desk jobs n most definitely HATE sales jobs. i hate being pushy i hate having to be aggressive about it sometimes. i did sales for ing direct for a year n once it started bein about sales n not so much about service, i hated it. the full time job would have fixed my residency, but i wouldn’t  have been happy doin it, n now that i’ve started training a bit with encore, i reeeeeeeally feel like i made the right choice. wynn las vegas is such an amazing company to work for! check the awards theyve gotten! all i gotta do is show up to work on time n do work! n of course, have some fun along the way

fams – hehe i love gettin such random ass txts n facebook msgs from my mom. makes me miss her even more though. i miss random hang outs @ reg n javs’ place n i miss reg’s cooking. so simple yet soooo yummy!!! haha shes the reason y i actually like brussel sprouts. weird. i got to see javs this past weekend. good times for sure.

friends – idk wut id do without the bff n the ppl i left back home that r still amazing friends even 300 miles away (thanx twitter n facebook). i miss my twin n the relay group n roar n lc n my lb/la ppls. i miss my kappa sisters n i def miss greek life out here! nothin like cali greek life! but this move has def made me appreciate genuine friendships n the ppl that keep u strong n support u thru wutever, n its made me realize who i dont need in my life. n my fasa homies – they’ve all become like family to me. spring 2k10 eboard was such a struggle but at the end of it, i realized how much time we all spent together n how much i enjoyed spending time with them. i guess i’ll call them
“the usuals”, but theyve got me thru some hard times n we’ve def made some amazing memories together. without them, i probably woulda moved home already, haha.

the bf – things r def great ^-^ its nice to be in a healthy relationship n nice to have someone to do the simple things with – cook, watch movies, drink with, nap…u kno. we keep it simple n that makes me happy. only thing is – he doesnt sleep! lol. n i, on the other hand, fall asleep sooo easily! i knocked out last nite after he put ben gay on my shoulder (stupid tray arm!) n he stayed up til idk, 7 or 8! n hes still snorin -_- haha he probably wont up for another few hrs but thats ok

with all that said – im hungry. haha time for brunch? naw f that…its lunch. i promise myself i will start bloggin on a regular n i wanna start yelp’in again. ive gone to soo many places my memory card on my blackberry is full of food pix i need to upload!!!

anyway…til next time…im out.

- rics

But anyway, its been an amazing few days back in cali! Got some time to chill with fam n close friends. N of course – it goes by hella fast! If I didn’t get to c u, I’m sorry! Hit me up wen ur in vegas or I’ll let u kno wen I’m back in cali

All I wanna say right now is I’m thankful for the fam n friends I left in cali n for the friends I left in vegas that I now consider fam.

This transition in my life was def needed n I’m sooooooo blessed to have such supportive ppl in my life in both states

I’ll elaborate more but I’m a lil too intoxicated to right now

I’m out gonna board soon

- rics

been waaaaay overdue for a blog post. ive been wanting to i just…havent felt like sittin n writin it all out. A LOT has happened since my last post. im probably not gonna blog about it [im @ work right now] just cuz its  quite a bit.

SO…more recent stuff: i needa be outta my apt on wednesday. it started to get kinda shady n i felt uncomfortable esp since i live by myself. kinda worked out perfectly actually. movin in with my friend shaila, who i met thru fasa. we both needed to get out of our living situations n we found a place that we both pretty much fell in love with. so – we made it happen.

for awhile ive been suuuuper stressed out n i tried to be all grown up n handle things on my own, but it ended up exploding in my face. i talked to my mom about everything, n as usual, balled my eyes out on the phone. instead of being supportive of everything, she hella yelled @ me n basically said that i wouldnt be in this situation if i didnt leave home, n that i shuld just go back to la n finish school @ csulb. then i talked to chris n my sister n they both reassured me that the last thing i shuld do is go back home. im exactly where i needa be for wut i wanna do with my life, n itd only give my mom a reason to say “i told u so”.  i think thats wut scared me the most – the fact that i started to doubt myself n my reasons for being here. the second that happened, everything just went out the window. my drive, motivation, reason, direction…everything. im just thankful for having supportive people in my life who put me back in the right direction, no matter how much i messed up. [if i havent said it lately, THANK U!!! u have no idea how much it means to me!!!!]

leaving home has been a lot harder on me than i thought, financially, emotionally, n well…its effected everything!!! luckily i’ve made some really great friends out here thru fasa n its not as lonely as it use to be.

i called yesterday to reserve a truck thru budget (since i got a storage unit @ public storage, we get a discount thru budget, otherwise i woulda stuck with uhaul) n the lady asks me, “r all the drivers n urself 24 years of age or older?”. i hadda think about it cuz its kinda weird sayin im 24. n its a lil scary. cant believe im 24!!! next year – 25. omg.

we move into our new place on the 23rd n its effing amazing! def an upgrade from my old place, thats for sure! once we’re settled in, i think i’ll feel a lot better about everything. i’ll be in a much safer place, i’ll have a roomie n i’m goin home for thanxgiving. i cant wait to be home!!!! i miss my family n friends soooo much! n its been a lil harder to keep in touch with everyone just cuz holiday season is creepin up n cuz everyones just…busy. def in need of some cali time :] things to do: claws, “the spot” with the bff, visit my dad n grandma, spend some quality time with the family n friends, portos/max’s, ikea, “burgers, beers n beats” @ the counter, n who knows wut other kinda trouble i’ll get into?!

all in all – im ok. eveyrone has their “moment of weakness” n feels like they cant do it nemore. wut matters is u get urself thru it. the tears dont help. suck it up!!!

anyway…i shuld probably get outta here. i feel bad for bloggin on the clock. boss is gone neway.

cali ppl – 2 more weeks!!!! def cant wait to c everyone

vegas ppl – THANK U all for just being super welcoming. n THANK U in advance for those who r helping with the move. i’ll getchu back somehow

i guess im starting to think about things differently…in a way that doesn’t involve me gettin hurt all the time or finally forces me to be a lil more selfish. i think after bein out here for almost 2 months now on my own, i’ve had to learn to be on my own n realize that i needa take care of myself n look out for myself before i can look out for ne1 else. with that said – time to live my life for me :]

things r finally startin to fall into place. my job with catering is still amazing. i love that my boss is willing to be so flexible me, so long as things get done when they need to. im lovin yard hard too. the trainings a little intensive, even more so than the other restaurants ive worked for. studying for a restaurant is sooo much harder than studying for class. its weird! especially with food n beer – u needa see it n taste it to really remember it all. on the plus side – u eat for free when u train :] so far ive had: spinach dip, bbq chicken salad, creme brulee, california roll, cuban dip sandwich, jerk chicken with shrimp stack, chicken lettuce wraps, chocolate souffle, n kona sundae. all amazing!!! only downside to workin in a restaurnt is u tend to gain weight. but thats ok too…haha…so long as i can squeeze in the workout javs setup for me i’ll be fine.

i miss my best friend to death. thank goodness we’ve made time to video chat on skype. haha she got me into all this kpop [shes been watchin a lotta korean soap operas n stuff n sends music my way when she finds good stuff]. been listenin to 2ne1 – i dont care…a lot. lol. its suuuuch a happy song but it speaks such truth. n it kinda goes w/wuts goin on in. so it works out. n the videos way cute too. totally wanna cut my hair short again, but i dont. in that stupid “i can go either way” phase.

anyway…its almost time for fasa mtg n i still needa log off n get sumthin to drink n go pee. all this farmville, restaurant city n chattin with javs n reg i didnt get much studyin in. BUT i did get a start on my fab159 project [haha also managed to email the wrong class too. woops]

im out.

ps – SUUUUUUUPER excited about this weekend. reg, javs, bry, van, sai, loi n his wife r gonna b in town. goin to the olympia 2009 convention, hittin up the m resort to try their buffet n gonna get a few rounds of bingo in too. haha. def gonna b good times thats for sure!

ok so its a bit more mellow than wut im normally use to listenin to, but hey. it worked. its good to have variety!

neway, i kno its been A LONG TIME since i’ve blogged n i’m sorry. part cuz i’ve just been in such an inconsistent mood n the other cuz i’ve kinda let it drain me a bit n i didnt wanna blog about my moments of weakness nemore.

lately i’ve just been goin to work with catering, goin to class, interviewing everywhere possible n tryin to keep in touch with ppl back home via facebook, twitter, aim n wutever form of communication there is out there [haha even the "oldschool" txting n callin ppl]. im gonna break it down by wuts been goin on. its been so long that if i dont somehow organize this blog it’ll make no sense @ all.

work – I LOVE my job with catering! its exactly where i needa be to get experience in the field n man have i missed settin up/workin/breakin down events. my job is to basically assist the director as needed [mostly clerical n organizational stuff she doesnt have time to do, take care of inventory n invoices, things like that] n i also get to work events when they need an extra hand. my boss is awesome! the catering team is amazing! just sucks thats its part-time/on call. that’s y ive been lookin for another part-time job. ud think that in a place as huuuuge as vegas n as many hotels/restaurants they have im bound to get a job. i have experience in both industries, im a friendly/hospitable person n dammit im spunky!!! haha. y havent i gotten a job out here? 1 – cuz i dont kno ne1 who works here. 2 – cuz im not 5’10 with long blonde hair n a d cup. 3 – i swear ppl who go into interviews here dress like theyre goin to a club. “professionalism” doesnt mean much at a lotta places.  BUT im not lettin it get to me. i did for a while…took it all to heart n way personally n for that reason i lost hope n faith in myself n started to think maybe it was sumthin that i was doin wrong or sumthin i should have on my resume but dont. my 2nd interview tomorrow @ the yard house im gonna nail. its one of my favorite places, i love the food, their beer selection is amazing n its a fun place to be. i got this!!! i met this other chick @ the 1st interview. she just moved here from florida n we’ve both been goin thru the same thing. we’re hopin we end up workin together cuz we’re both good ppl who need a job n she’s def been good to me. always lookin out for jobs n vice versa. so…hopefully by tomorrow or friday i’ll have another job

school – schoosl great. my 2 classes r chill. im excited about a project i have due. its basically a restaurant plan – from the location, clientel, decor, ambiance, glass n flatware, menu, floor plan…everything. the food prep part of a class im takin is awesome!!! our textbooks a professional cookbook. we get to cook a lot of bomb food which i would never try to cook n of course we get to eat it too. our final is to take recipes he gives to our group, cost the recipes, make n present the items. definitely stoked.

friends/family – def been keepin in touch with everyone as much as possible. n thanx to facebook/twitter/aim its a lot easier to. im glad ppl r always in town cuz when they r here – i feel like im home. i miss my family sooo much though. my mom, reg n javs n the close friends i considered family. u really do take for granted all the lil things when ur gone. i miss chillin @ reg n javs’ apt. i miss bein home n ma always askin the weirdest questions…n sometimes the same question more than once a day. i miss randomly chillin with the best friend, even with we dont do nething @ all. i miss claws!!!! n i miss all the other local places…n omg i miss the beach!!!i didnt go all the time but i miss havin the option to go when i wanted to.

the love life – its always been complicated n ive gotten to that point where im content with the situation so long as both our hearts r there n that the “long run” is really wut our goal is. as much as i get super jealous of couples n wanna date sum1 or @ least have sum1 there…i cant cuz my heart wouldnt be there. so y bother? the whole reason y i moved out here was so i can do me – finish school, find a job where i can do wut i love doin, figure out who i am n really learn to live my life just for myself n learn to stand up for myself. ive lived a lot of my life for other ppl n u get to that point where u realize u cant do it nemore. n plus u cant possibly be in a relationship with someone if its solely about them n wut theyre about. its gotta b 50/50 in all aspects. sometimes i feel like im crazy but u cant help who u love.

me – for awhile i felt like i didnt fit in here…mostly cuz im not all about the clubs here n i dont like goin out as much. im here for a reason – to go to school, graduate n find a job. thats it. im not here to have fun all the time n hook up n wutever else. im not sayin im never gonna go out, but all in moderation. i cant afford to get sidetracked here! im learnin to really be on my own. aside from the financial issue of course [but that'll get fixed sooner than later. all i need is that damn job!]. n for that im thankful for the family i have. i know i wasnt as prepared as i shouldve been for this move, but i guess i really didnt think it was that hard to get a job out here. in a weird way i like comin home to my apt [which im probably gonna leave after my lease is up] n not havin to deal with ne1. no one elses dishes to wash or put away, no need to ask for permission to do sumthin to the place…its my place. but @ the same time idk if i like bein alone all the time. that’ll change once the year continues im sure. once i start workin @ another restaurant the social aspects of it come quick. i just needa remember not to date @ work n keep my personal life outta there [learned all that stuff the hard way].

neway, i gtg to the gym. javs, who is def become more n more of a big brother to me, setup this circuit training thing for me n this will b day 2 of it. day 1 went well. today im addin a core circuit. check out his site – www.danceswithdumbbells.tumblr.comhes gotta lotta interesting workout stuff on there…both circuits im doin r on there. i gotta setup a 2nd blog to keep track of all this stuff.

before i go – i just wanna say thank u to every1 whos dealt with me since i left…u kno who u r. i kno ive had my emo moments n i havent really been “myself” but its a work in progress. thanks to tina ive been workin on “hope n faith”. no matter wut happens u cant lose either of the two. sumthin else ive learned the hard way. every1 i left back home – i miss u all! n i cant wait to come home for thanxgiving!!!

im out…for now [lets hope i have another job by the end of the week]

ok so i have a blog n a twitter…i still think blogs r waaaay more awesome!!! im still tryin to figure twitter out n theres a butt load of spam [i kno theres settings for all of it but i learned the hard way] that i would love to avoid.

im out.

ps – i know im WAY overdue for a blog. after tomorrow i swear i’ll update.

one more thing…for all of u still the so cal, PLEASE go check this out!!! i went to the opening of his art show in downtown n it was AMAZING!!! got his book autographed too :] dudes got mad skill n hes one hell of an artist, on the mic n on canvas.  so here goes…

But anyway…

Things r goin pretty well out here in sin city. For the most part I’ve been pretty good about only goin out when ppl r in town (I made a rule for myself so I don’t kill the strip n I stay focused)…excpet for this weekend for vans bday of course.

It was awesome to have most of the homies in town. Lots of amazing memories…n definitely more to come I’m sure. If ne of u guys r reading this: I just wanna THANK YOU all for being there n for all ur love n support. Reg n javs – idk wut I’d do without u two! Sai – thanx for all the help with the move. Sarah, van n sheena – u three r amazing! Thank u all for ur advice n words of wisdom n wut not. Freshie – thanx for everything! Haha its def good to have a guy’s perspective on things. Mayeli n aaron – we’re just beginning to hang out n I’m sure there’ll b more vegas trips n other good times to come.

After a week of bein here alone, it was really nice to have friends here

On a more productive note – the interviews n apps r finally payin off! I have an interview w/unlv banquets in the afternoon n another with dos caminos @ the palazzo for a cocktail/server position. Both jobs r part time, which would allow me to work both (haha gettin back into my workaholic mode!) n they’re both amazing job opportunities.

As I go thru each day, it just makes me wish bein home even more. But @ the same time it makes me realize y I needed to be a “big girl” n really do this on my own. This is the first time I’ve really had to take care of just myself. There’s no one to cook or do my laundry or ne1 to really answer to. Its just me here. I miss my mom n I miss being home but I have to learn eventually right? Besides, it’s fun to cook

Other than that – I got a lil sick of drowning myself in seasons 1-3 of how I met ur mother n the tons of chick flicks I have. Makes me feel a little lonely out here. It also makes me wonder if I’m gonna date out here @ all or really just be selfish n do me. Idk. Guess we’ll c sooner or later

Ella ebchabted just started n I’ve already missed a lot of it cuz I’m typin away of my phone. Have a good nite everyone!

I’m out got a loooong n important day tomorrow

im sittin @ reJAVAnate near campus, listenin to this band from chico, ca play. hehe i finally feel like a townie. weird.

neway…it feels nice to be back on my laptop. altho i only have an hr left n i needa go home n make dinner [nother weird thing to say]. i kno ive only been here a few days, but i havent spent much time drivin around n gettin use to stuff. been in my apartment watchin movies n sleepin. the move really drained me, n well, its kinda nice to be able to sit around n not have to follow an agenda. the last few years of my life have always been busy – work n school, sometimes 2 jobs, n for once in my life – i can sit back n enjoy it.

i definitely havent blogged as much as id like. im still waitin for my last check from the counter, which is y i dont have cable or internet @ my place yet. so far – my days have been simple. n i like it that way. i gotta admit tho – i miss bein able to call ppl up to hang out, or even do nothing. i miss the company. i miss my family n my friends. i miss home.

i just needa keep reminding myself that this IS a great thing that im doin for myself. n it’ll all pay off in the long run.

job fair was a bust – i killed the interview! dude LOVED me! only thing that sucks is hard rock was hiring for the opening for the cafe on the strip, which opens in september. trainings every day for 3 weeks, which starts right before week 1 of school. since i have class on mon n wed, they couldnt hire me to open. BUT he said i should come back 2 weeks after opening to see if they can fit me in their schedule. thats a good thing right? @ the same time tho…it made me feel like…great. so i can hire all the losers who dont have school or another job, regardless of their qualifications or work experience. but those who have worked f&b n do well in environments where the musics loud on purpose n have school – u cant. wutever. im over it. see u in mid september hard rock! ive sent out hella resumes already n now its just a waiting game.

neway, heads startin to hurt n my stomachs buggin me to go home n make my dinner. on the menu tonight – chicken breast, with cous cous, broccoli n maybe a salad. idk.

im out.

But here’s a lil recap of the move:
- packed up the uhaul (thanx to reg, javs, sai n sheila for ur help!)
- decided to head out around midnight n then stop n nap a bit til the office opened so I could get my key
- fishtailed on the friggin 15
- made it stateline around 430 am n stopped @ a rest stop to nap
- woke up around 7, drove to vegas, chilled @ a park til 945 n went to 711 to grab water n gatorade
- started movin in around 11 n finished emptyin the uhaul around 1230
- returned the uhaul n got lunch @ sonics
- came home(still weird to say), ate n napped
- woke up around 6 n got groceries n a few necessities
- ate dinner n every1 went home around 1030 or so

N yeah. Now I’m sittin in my room, in my apt, watchin twilight n drinkin a glass of wine. I think it literally just now hit me that this “new path” n “new life” started today. In case u haven’t heard the song, its a great song! Local band from hermosa that i use go watch on a regular. But yeah…I’ll hafta post pix n stuff once I’m @ a place w/internet. Sigh.

Til then – I miss u LA!

Ps – thank u to everyone who came to the bonfire, saw me before I left n for all ur support during this major life change. Esp to reg, cathy, javs, sheila, sai n aiyah