a place for my head

since my last blog, a few things have changed. at least my mindset n how i feel about things has changed. change is never a bad thing neway.

i guess im starting to think about things differently…in a way that doesn’t involve me gettin hurt all the time or finally forces me to be a lil more selfish. i think after bein out here for almost 2 months now on my own, i’ve had to learn to be on my own n realize that i needa take care of myself n look out for myself before i can look out for ne1 else. with that said – time to live my life for me :]

things r finally startin to fall into place. my job with catering is still amazing. i love that my boss is willing to be so flexible me, so long as things get done when they need to. im lovin yard hard too. the trainings a little intensive, even more so than the other restaurants ive worked for. studying for a restaurant is sooo much harder than studying for class. its weird! especially with food n beer – u needa see it n taste it to really remember it all. on the plus side – u eat for free when u train :] so far ive had: spinach dip, bbq chicken salad, creme brulee, california roll, cuban dip sandwich, jerk chicken with shrimp stack, chicken lettuce wraps, chocolate souffle, n kona sundae. all amazing!!! only downside to workin in a restaurnt is u tend to gain weight. but thats ok too…haha…so long as i can squeeze in the workout javs setup for me i’ll be fine.

i miss my best friend to death. thank goodness we’ve made time to video chat on skype. haha she got me into all this kpop [shes been watchin a lotta korean soap operas n stuff n sends music my way when she finds good stuff]. been listenin to 2ne1 – i dont care…a lot. lol. its suuuuch a happy song but it speaks such truth. n it kinda goes w/wuts goin on in. so it works out. n the videos way cute too. totally wanna cut my hair short again, but i dont. in that stupid “i can go either way” phase.

anyway…its almost time for fasa mtg n i still needa log off n get sumthin to drink n go pee. all this farmville, restaurant city n chattin with javs n reg i didnt get much studyin in. BUT i did get a start on my fab159 project [haha also managed to email the wrong class too. woops]

im out.

ps – SUUUUUUUPER excited about this weekend. reg, javs, bry, van, sai, loi n his wife r gonna b in town. goin to the olympia 2009 convention, hittin up the m resort to try their buffet n gonna get a few rounds of bingo in too. haha. def gonna b good times thats for sure!

daughtry – no surprise

ok so its a bit more mellow than wut im normally use to listenin to, but hey. it worked. its good to have variety!

neway, i kno its been A LONG TIME since i’ve blogged n i’m sorry. part cuz i’ve just been in such an inconsistent mood n the other cuz i’ve kinda let it drain me a bit n i didnt wanna blog about my moments of weakness nemore.

lately i’ve just been goin to work with catering, goin to class, interviewing everywhere possible n tryin to keep in touch with ppl back home via facebook, twitter, aim n wutever form of communication there is out there [haha even the "oldschool" txting n callin ppl]. im gonna break it down by wuts been goin on. its been so long that if i dont somehow organize this blog it’ll make no sense @ all.

work – I LOVE my job with catering! its exactly where i needa be to get experience in the field n man have i missed settin up/workin/breakin down events. my job is to basically assist the director as needed [mostly clerical n organizational stuff she doesnt have time to do, take care of inventory n invoices, things like that] n i also get to work events when they need an extra hand. my boss is awesome! the catering team is amazing! just sucks thats its part-time/on call. that’s y ive been lookin for another part-time job. ud think that in a place as huuuuge as vegas n as many hotels/restaurants they have im bound to get a job. i have experience in both industries, im a friendly/hospitable person n dammit im spunky!!! haha. y havent i gotten a job out here? 1 – cuz i dont kno ne1 who works here. 2 – cuz im not 5′10 with long blonde hair n a d cup. 3 – i swear ppl who go into interviews here dress like theyre goin to a club. “professionalism” doesnt mean much at a lotta places.  BUT im not lettin it get to me. i did for a while…took it all to heart n way personally n for that reason i lost hope n faith in myself n started to think maybe it was sumthin that i was doin wrong or sumthin i should have on my resume but dont. my 2nd interview tomorrow @ the yard house im gonna nail. its one of my favorite places, i love the food, their beer selection is amazing n its a fun place to be. i got this!!! i met this other chick @ the 1st interview. she just moved here from florida n we’ve both been goin thru the same thing. we’re hopin we end up workin together cuz we’re both good ppl who need a job n she’s def been good to me. always lookin out for jobs n vice versa. so…hopefully by tomorrow or friday i’ll have another job

school – schoosl great. my 2 classes r chill. im excited about a project i have due. its basically a restaurant plan – from the location, clientel, decor, ambiance, glass n flatware, menu, floor plan…everything. the food prep part of a class im takin is awesome!!! our textbooks a professional cookbook. we get to cook a lot of bomb food which i would never try to cook n of course we get to eat it too. our final is to take recipes he gives to our group, cost the recipes, make n present the items. definitely stoked.

friends/family – def been keepin in touch with everyone as much as possible. n thanx to facebook/twitter/aim its a lot easier to. im glad ppl r always in town cuz when they r here – i feel like im home. i miss my family sooo much though. my mom, reg n javs n the close friends i considered family. u really do take for granted all the lil things when ur gone. i miss chillin @ reg n javs’ apt. i miss bein home n ma always askin the weirdest questions…n sometimes the same question more than once a day. i miss randomly chillin with the best friend, even with we dont do nething @ all. i miss claws!!!! n i miss all the other local places…n omg i miss the beach!!!i didnt go all the time but i miss havin the option to go when i wanted to.

the love life – its always been complicated n ive gotten to that point where im content with the situation so long as both our hearts r there n that the “long run” is really wut our goal is. as much as i get super jealous of couples n wanna date sum1 or @ least have sum1 there…i cant cuz my heart wouldnt be there. so y bother? the whole reason y i moved out here was so i can do me – finish school, find a job where i can do wut i love doin, figure out who i am n really learn to live my life just for myself n learn to stand up for myself. ive lived a lot of my life for other ppl n u get to that point where u realize u cant do it nemore. n plus u cant possibly be in a relationship with someone if its solely about them n wut theyre about. its gotta b 50/50 in all aspects. sometimes i feel like im crazy but u cant help who u love.

me – for awhile i felt like i didnt fit in here…mostly cuz im not all about the clubs here n i dont like goin out as much. im here for a reason – to go to school, graduate n find a job. thats it. im not here to have fun all the time n hook up n wutever else. im not sayin im never gonna go out, but all in moderation. i cant afford to get sidetracked here! im learnin to really be on my own. aside from the financial issue of course [but that'll get fixed sooner than later. all i need is that damn job!]. n for that im thankful for the family i have. i know i wasnt as prepared as i shouldve been for this move, but i guess i really didnt think it was that hard to get a job out here. in a weird way i like comin home to my apt [which im probably gonna leave after my lease is up] n not havin to deal with ne1. no one elses dishes to wash or put away, no need to ask for permission to do sumthin to the place…its my place. but @ the same time idk if i like bein alone all the time. that’ll change once the year continues im sure. once i start workin @ another restaurant the social aspects of it come quick. i just needa remember not to date @ work n keep my personal life outta there [learned all that stuff the hard way].

neway, i gtg to the gym. javs, who is def become more n more of a big brother to me, setup this circuit training thing for me n this will b day 2 of it. day 1 went well. today im addin a core circuit. check out his site – www.danceswithdumbbells.tumblr.comhes gotta lotta interesting workout stuff on there…both circuits im doin r on there. i gotta setup a 2nd blog to keep track of all this stuff.

before i go – i just wanna say thank u to every1 whos dealt with me since i left…u kno who u r. i kno ive had my emo moments n i havent really been “myself” but its a work in progress. thanks to tina ive been workin on “hope n faith”. no matter wut happens u cant lose either of the two. sumthin else ive learned the hard way. every1 i left back home – i miss u all! n i cant wait to come home for thanxgiving!!!

im out…for now [lets hope i have another job by the end of the week]

Blogging via blackberry. Got my internet n cable both up today, but I needa get a wireless router. Laptops chillin on my desk in the other room but I forgot to bring my computer chair, n I haven’t secured the base of my desk yet (its hella hard to put together by myself, n even tho reg n javs helped with it, its a lil complicated. Damn ikea desk!)

But anyway…

Things r goin pretty well out here in sin city. For the most part I’ve been pretty good about only goin out when ppl r in town (I made a rule for myself so I don’t kill the strip n I stay focused)…excpet for this weekend for vans bday of course.

It was awesome to have most of the homies in town. Lots of amazing memories…n definitely more to come I’m sure. If ne of u guys r reading this: I just wanna THANK YOU all for being there n for all ur love n support. Reg n javs – idk wut I’d do without u two! Sai – thanx for all the help with the move. Sarah, van n sheena – u three r amazing! Thank u all for ur advice n words of wisdom n wut not. Freshie – thanx for everything! Haha its def good to have a guy’s perspective on things. Mayeli n aaron – we’re just beginning to hang out n I’m sure there’ll b more vegas trips n other good times to come.

After a week of bein here alone, it was really nice to have friends here

On a more productive note – the interviews n apps r finally payin off! I have an interview w/unlv banquets in the afternoon n another with dos caminos @ the palazzo for a cocktail/server position. Both jobs r part time, which would allow me to work both (haha gettin back into my workaholic mode!) n they’re both amazing job opportunities.

As I go thru each day, it just makes me wish bein home even more. But @ the same time it makes me realize y I needed to be a “big girl” n really do this on my own. This is the first time I’ve really had to take care of just myself. There’s no one to cook or do my laundry or ne1 to really answer to. Its just me here. I miss my mom n I miss being home but I have to learn eventually right? Besides, it’s fun to cook

Other than that – I got a lil sick of drowning myself in seasons 1-3 of how I met ur mother n the tons of chick flicks I have. Makes me feel a little lonely out here. It also makes me wonder if I’m gonna date out here @ all or really just be selfish n do me. Idk. Guess we’ll c sooner or later

Ella ebchabted just started n I’ve already missed a lot of it cuz I’m typin away of my phone. Have a good nite everyone!

I’m out got a loooong n important day tomorrow

three days grace – on my own

im sittin @ reJAVAnate near campus, listenin to this band from chico, ca play. hehe i finally feel like a townie. weird.

neway…it feels nice to be back on my laptop. altho i only have an hr left n i needa go home n make dinner [nother weird thing to say]. i kno ive only been here a few days, but i havent spent much time drivin around n gettin use to stuff. been in my apartment watchin movies n sleepin. the move really drained me, n well, its kinda nice to be able to sit around n not have to follow an agenda. the last few years of my life have always been busy – work n school, sometimes 2 jobs, n for once in my life – i can sit back n enjoy it.

i definitely havent blogged as much as id like. im still waitin for my last check from the counter, which is y i dont have cable or internet @ my place yet. so far – my days have been simple. n i like it that way. i gotta admit tho – i miss bein able to call ppl up to hang out, or even do nothing. i miss the company. i miss my family n my friends. i miss home.

i just needa keep reminding myself that this IS a great thing that im doin for myself. n it’ll all pay off in the long run.

job fair was a bust – i killed the interview! dude LOVED me! only thing that sucks is hard rock was hiring for the opening for the cafe on the strip, which opens in september. trainings every day for 3 weeks, which starts right before week 1 of school. since i have class on mon n wed, they couldnt hire me to open. BUT he said i should come back 2 weeks after opening to see if they can fit me in their schedule. thats a good thing right? @ the same time tho…it made me feel like…great. so i can hire all the losers who dont have school or another job, regardless of their qualifications or work experience. but those who have worked f&b n do well in environments where the musics loud on purpose n have school – u cant. wutever. im over it. see u in mid september hard rock! ive sent out hella resumes already n now its just a waiting game.

neway, heads startin to hurt n my stomachs buggin me to go home n make my dinner. on the menu tonight – chicken breast, with cous cous, broccoli n maybe a salad. idk.

im out.

Bloggin via blackberry cuz I don’t have internet or cable yet. I’ve been meaning to blog n I swear I’ll b better @ it once I get settled in n stuff.

But here’s a lil recap of the move:
- packed up the uhaul (thanx to reg, javs, sai n sheila for ur help!)
- decided to head out around midnight n then stop n nap a bit til the office opened so I could get my key
- fishtailed on the friggin 15
- made it stateline around 430 am n stopped @ a rest stop to nap
- woke up around 7, drove to vegas, chilled @ a park til 945 n went to 711 to grab water n gatorade
- started movin in around 11 n finished emptyin the uhaul around 1230
- returned the uhaul n got lunch @ sonics
- came home(still weird to say), ate n napped
- woke up around 6 n got groceries n a few necessities
- ate dinner n every1 went home around 1030 or so

N yeah. Now I’m sittin in my room, in my apt, watchin twilight n drinkin a glass of wine. I think it literally just now hit me that this “new path” n “new life” started today. In case u haven’t heard the song, its a great song! Local band from hermosa that i use go watch on a regular. But yeah…I’ll hafta post pix n stuff once I’m @ a place w/internet. Sigh.

Til then – I miss u LA!

Ps – thank u to everyone who came to the bonfire, saw me before I left n for all ur support during this major life change. Esp to reg, cathy, javs, sheila, sai n aiyah

Bloggin via blackberry n I’m a lil buzzed. Gettin ready for take off in a minute. Leavin for reston, va to work my last week @ the newest counter location. As much of a great experience it is, it suc cuz I lose a whole week of packin n meetin up w/ppl I wanna c before I leave.

Got tons to blog about but I think we’re gonna get ready for take off in a few. Brought the laptop with me…I’m sure I’ll b able to keep up this week :]

I’m out! Til next sunday, so-cal! Aka – home

paramore – pressure

ok so…tuesday marks the official beginning of my time crunch – apartment search day 1. thanks to the best friend, i’ve been lookin @ places for the last couple of weeks in hopes of finding something worth while. theres TONS of places that look legit enuff to move into…but its important to look @ all the amenities that come with it (if i could find a place where electric bill is included too id b soo happy!) n if its a 1 or 2 bedroom place n all that jazz. the area near campus is hella shady n since im by myself i think id rather pay the extra cash for a safer area.

neway…ive been meaning to blog n let all the this stuff off my chest but i havent had the time to just sit n be able to type it all out. ive had plenty of time i just…felt my time was better spent sleepin or doin somethin else. aside from the roller coaster of emotion that ive been on, i feel like this whole time ive been tryin to get it together, but at the same time didnt move forward at all. n now that vegas trip is here i feel soo unprepared in every aspect. at this point all i can really do is prepare myself as much as possible, enjoy the ride n hope i get as much done as i can…especially since i really dont have much time to find a place. if i come outta this week without a place…im gonna hafta go back the week after n hope i get sumthin.

so – lets hope n pray that this trip works out as planned. that cathy n i get there safe, n we find a place that i can call home for the next few years (or at least however long the lease is n then i can find a new place).

after vegas – continue preppin for reg’s bday celebration. wooooo!!! definitely cant wait for that. the goal: get her waaaaasted!!! we failed on her 21st :[

devotion and epic voices – from heaven

ive been waaaaay over due for a blog…soooo many things goin n n sooo many different thoughts n feelings these days that…i dont even know where to start.

everything that i felt before yesterday just seems irrelevant to me now.

last nite i got a txt from my mom saying that my uncle jorge is gone. it seemed so unclear as to wut she meant but i knew. just to clarify i txt her n she calls me back n told me wut happened. my unlce has been thru sooo much these past few years…he was diagnosed with prostate cancer, n then alzheimer’s…n all the pain n suffering that comes with it. they had to put him in a home because my aunt wasnt strong enuff to take care of him herself n my cuz was at work most of the time. n even then he was in n outta the hospital because he was in so much pain n he didnt have much of an appetite, which is weird for my uncle (no matter what doctors said or wut kinda diet he needed to be on he didnt care. he ate wutever n however much his heart desired).

no matter wut he was goin thru personally he always made sure that i was doin ok n my mom n sister were doin ok. everytime i saw him he would always ask if i had a boyfriend…n each time i said no he would always encourage me date cuz im still so young n i shuld while i can. he always wondered y i was never going into nursing n when i told him it was cuz i cant stand hospitals n blood n things like that he understood.

i remember when me n reg were still kids we went on a family trip to vegas. we all stayed in one hotel room n totally made it work. we had a blast n as we were leaving the hotel…he totally took a blanket, pillows n even the bible!! who takes a bible from a hotel room?! oh yeah – my uncle. mayb it was cuz we were too young then but we didnt judge him. n even still – i dont.

this one’s for you uncle/ninong jorge – may u rest in peace. u will always be in our hearts.

[gotta get ready for double #3 this week...but i'll most likely be posting something else later tonite]

reminder to self: celebrate life! be happy that im still here…n find the strength to do the most with wut ive got. who knows how long i’ll be here, or wut other obstacles come my way? but no matter wut – be thankful for ur life, the people who r there with u thru thick n thin, n for all the good n bad that have come ur way; without them u have no way of learing about life n how this crazy world works